Oooh here goes

Well it's the first post. And no-one reads first posts, right? So it doesn't matter if this meanders and splutters, grinding to a halt with a final full stop and a sigh of relief and a slug of red wine to celebrate.

But on the other hand, I could use this post to introduce myself, my family and (nobody still reading this? Just checking) the point of this blog.

There must be another way. I'm a stay at home mom. Actually, a stay at home mum, because I'm in Yorkshire. But for a moment there (and remember, nobody is reading this), I wanted to pretend I was one of those cool blogger mums in Seattle, or San Francisco or some mountain lodge in the wilds of the USA.

Nope, I'm a Yorkshire mum (though not a Yorkshire lass) and I have dumped my normal civil service existence to be a stay at home mum, for now at least. And like I said - there must be another way. I want to walk a path of peace, of ecological balance, of human rights and compassion, of spirituality and inner warrior strength. And I am torn between worlds of cupcakes and neatly applied eyeliner, and the world of baggy t-shirts, bright leggings and unbrushed hair.

I am torn between raising my son to be an academic, and letting him run free in the wilds with long unkempt hair, nutbrown legs and freedom from schooling.

I am torn between returning to catholicisism, or walking an old spiritual path with my son who at 21 months looks back at me as he has always looked back at me, with eyes old beyond his years and a sense of knowing that turns my heart and soul inside out.

I want to join that class of mothers that know what to do and how to do it. I feel inept and clumsy in this mother body of mine, which bumbles through the day.

I want to be that mother who can sew rugs, mend clothing, discuss eco politics, find friends to chat with over steaming mugs of tea. And hate to admit that I am here shy and friendless, clumsily finding my way through each day on this journey of discovery with my son as together we learn to walk this world.

Okay - ramble, ramble. Who are we? There's me; there's the darling son, Cloud. There's the ever patient partner, Bobo. There's the one eyed major general tomcat, and there's the fattest, most cuddlies cat in the world.

I am blessed. And I seek a path where I can do my best for my blessings.